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08:02pm 07/12/2011
  Well! Who would have thought that I'd ever return to live journal after so many years!! I stopped writing things down, but I used to enjoy it so much! I figured I'd give it another try to see if it still helps me feel better. I guess I grew up a little, and writing my thoughts down seems silly and somewhat dangerous. But, I dont think anyone is going to find me around here!

What I mostly want to do here is talk about some of my goals. This way I can start building a mental picture of them, and actually realize when i achieve them!! I'm also having a hard time just setting goals in general. So, I figured the best way to start was to make a list that i can add to later!!

As far as short-term goals go, right now there is only one: stay away from my brother. As usual, we are fighting during the holiday seasons. Usually I get sad and think of ways to mend our relationship in time to celebrate Christmas with my family. This holiday however, I want to just forget about him. One of my goals is to come up with some sort of tradition that's JUST FOR MYSELF. Something that I do just to be there for ME. I have no idea what kind of tradition, but by this Christmas I WILL have on.

My next goal is to NOT drop any of the 5 classes I'm taking next semester.
Become more self reliant.
Spend more time walking Ruger.
Get better at doing laundry :/

I guess these arent very good goals, really. The list will need some improvement...What's important though, is that I'm writing stuff down. It DOES feel much better. I know these words are going absolutely nowhere...but maybe that's why it's a good thing.

I shall return and hopefully next time, I'll have a better goal to reach by the end of the month besides staying away from my brother!!

It was nice to talk to you again...uh...livejournal. :]
02:53am 14/07/2006
  me and jeremy went to water world today. it was SOOOOOO fun. everythings been normal and good around here for me. my kitty is SO FUCKING CUTE. hes doing absolutly wonderful too. i named him binx, like the cat off hocuz pocus. we saw cody last weekend and spent the night at his new apartment. i miss cody so much :[[[ it makes me really sad that he moved so far away. im on my second fucking period this month thanks to my god damn birth control. its made me be such a bitch lately. i hate it. i hate bleeding too. but this is the only birth control i will ever be able to take other than depo. and heeeelllll no, i am not doing the depo shot. fuck that shit.  
02:05am 07/07/2006
  all over myspace ive been seeing these god damn raver kids. and they arent even the creepy 26 year old dudes that never accepted that the rave scene is dead and still goes to the club every night. they are fucking 15 year old girls. every single one of them is a candy kid. theres not one of them that is anything differnt. all these girls have their myspace pics wearing the SLUTIEST and shiniest outfirts with beads all over the fucking place and they arent even cute. THERE'S NO MORE REAL RAVES ANYMORE. this all started because of gay caffien. that shit cost 60 bucks to get into and it was held at FAT CITY. it didnt even have cool dj's and no good pills were passed around, cuz theres so many cops that nobody braught any pills to sell. sean said the whole rave was jr/highers. they are so stupid and need to fucking just stop! i hate techno!  
11:13pm 27/06/2006
  what the hell is everyones fucking problem. macraye got all bitchy with me just cuz i didnt wanna drive up to fucking morrison with her at 11:00 at night, when i have been driving around the whole god damn day. jeremy has to go home at 11:45 and if i went to morrison he would have to leave now because i wouldnt get back until about 12, knowing macraye. and i dont wanna leave him. i havent got to sit down and chill all day and thats all i wanna do. and she got this big fucking attitude and was like "its not IN morrison. god." and i was just like "bitch then why the fuck did you tell me it was" even though i didnt really ACTUALLY say that to her. her and sean and all those fuckers have such huge ego's now. macraye thinks shes cool cuz she hangs out with sean who sells weed BUT TO BAD JEREMY SELLS WEED TOO NOW BITCH. and next week when he gets payed hes gonna buy a vile of this BOMB acid. nobody have been able to find acid for a looonggg time, but everyone has been looking. and this is real good shit too. its gonna be exciting. sean is gonna get slapped in the face and i cant wait.  
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12:36am 26/06/2006
  everything has changed so much these past couple of weeks. cody and alexis broke up!!! you dont realize how traumatized this makes me. they are me and jeremy's best friends! we have had sooooooooooooooo many good times and adventures with them. its sad to see this happen. ill still talk to them both all the time, but it wont be cody AND alexis anymore.

dana is going to break up with kurk once she gets enough money to pay her lease off. she cheated on him with cody haha.

those are the two couples that have been together for YEARS. cody and alexis were with each other for 5 years, dana and kurk lasted 4.

seans weed plants died and i laughed so hard. all three of them took a shit. OH and dylan is gonna start slanging x on friday!! LITTLE DILLY!!!!! i cant believe that shit. he'll be really good at it though, cuz hes got all his little high school friends that do it like 3 times a week. seriously him and this dude chris call me alllll the time and invite me to their rolling parties. i reallllllyyyy wanna go but jeremy refuses too. and i cant really go without him cuz he'd get pissed. considering the fact thered be like 9 dudes and three chicks all rolling lol.

I GOT A NEW KITTEN!!!!!!!!!! he is too too too cute. hes only about 5 weeks old im guessing. reeealllllyyyy young. hes all black and hes just a tiny little fur ball! hes so sweet. he runs around and plays all day. hes not litter box trained because he was born outside so he never had to use one, so i gotta teach him. i got him from the most twacked out place ive ever been too. cody, jeremy and i went over to cody's old best friend jeremy james' house cuz he was locked up for 2 years and just got out. THAT KID WAS FUCKING COOL AND WAAAAY HOT. he took us to his moms house so that cody could buy some dope. i didnt do any though (and havent for a long time). we get there and its these crack ass shack apartments and their fucking adresses were like 9 1/2, 3 1/2. it was so fucked up. they were all half numbers. and the speed limit was 1 1/2 mph. mixed in with them was these shiiiityyyy trailers that were litterally like 3 feet from each other. we go up to this one where jeremy james' mom lives and we are standing outside and about 4 people walk out the door and start talking to us, then 2 more people come out and start fucking around with these bikes, then 4 more people came over to chill. there was litterally almost 20 people in this little trailer, and it was a normal daily thing. it was just a huge dope trailer. there was fucking hobo's chillin and shitttt. we were standing outside and this tiny black blurr runs past me and i bend down to pick it up and its a kitty!!!! some dude told me i could take it so i put it in a box and took it home!!! me and jeremy named him eugene. dont ask cuz its a long story haha.

ill take some pictures of it in a few minutes and post it.
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09:46pm 20/06/2006
  i hate sean sooooooooooooooooooo fucking much. everything that comes out of his mouth is so fucking stupid and ignorant. god he thinks he's the shit ever since he started slanging weed. IT ONLY TOOK HIM 5 QP'S TO GET OFF A FRONT. he went under by 80 bucks on at least three of them. he walks around all high and mighty like this drug lord, when hes only been slanging for like two months and still isnt barely making any of his own money yet. he fucking called me up and asked me if i could hook him some pills and so i called dylan up and asked for three pills, he called his dude and told him we were comming up in 20 minutes. then, at the last minute right before im leaving for seans, he asks me who im getting them from, and i tell him dylan. he says he doesnt wanna get ripped off and doesnt wanna do it after all. i told him to shut the fuck up and that dylan can get better pills than he ever could. plus i have gotten so many pills from him in the past and sean has BEEN there. he is not a drug dealer and he isnt fucking cool. he doesnt even get any pussy. hes soooo whipped over macraye he spends every living hour trying to please her, and he STILL hasnt realized, after 8 months, that she isnt gonna go for him. jeremys gonna get a front from his dealer and hes obviously gonna come up in three weeks and obviously make sean look like the idiot that he truely is. because jeremy took all of seans bussiness last time, and he doesnt have his fucking head up his ass.  
04:52pm 13/06/2006
  so for the past two days straight me and jeremy have been fighting really fucking bad. we are on a hiatus right now pretty much. i really really dont know what to do. i dont wanna be with him anymore because i just dont feel the love so much now. i wanna go out and do my own shit without having to worry about what anyone is gonna say. but at the same time i dont wanna lose my baby. i already miss him. im gonna miss laying on the couch watching tv with him all day, driving around to god knows where just because, and his cute little laugh and the way he smiles at me. i dont know if i want to go back or if i want to move on. WHAT THE FUUUUCK DO I DOOOOO. im so lost and confused.  
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11:34pm 06/06/2006
  im in the worst position ever. my heart is telling me one thing, while everyone i ask is telling me another, and my brain is telling me something different as well. i know which one is right, but the other one seems so hard to live without. i dont want to lose another person i love. i dont wanna have change in my life again. i dont want any of this. i just either want none of it to have happened, or i want to end it and not hurt. but i know both are impossible. i know what i want right now, but i dont know how i will feel in the morning. fuck, i dont even know if i will feel the same in the morning as i might in the afternoon. i wish i had some concrete feelings here. i fucking wish jeremy would just cheat on me or something. just so i cant ever go back. i just need a break. some me time.  
09:42pm 01/06/2006
  so yesterday night sean had an 8 ball of some shit and i litterally had to sit there for 5 hours while they all smoked it in my face. i was so fucking pissed off. im proud of myself for not doing it though. i thought about doing it, but really i just couldnt find the motivation. jeremy smoked a bunch but he didnt pay for it so i really couldnt complain that much. ive decided to just let him do whatever.

i got some BOMB BOMB chronic. its so good. i gave some to my dad and he really liked it. im drinking some beer now cuz jeremy did what he wanted to do last night, so im doing what i want to do. the end.
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12:32pm 31/05/2006
  me and jeremy are doing REALLY bad. he tried to break up with me yesterday but i dont exactly know what happened, he just ended up staying. he told me i give him to much affection and he needs his space. and he wanted to break up cuz of the camping trip we took this weekend with cody and alexis. me and jeremy ended up getting in a drunken fight like always and so jeremy decided to sleep outside the tent. i had no choice but to sleep next to cody and in the morning jeremy came in the tent and pulled all the blankets off me and codys arm was around me. I DIDNT EVEN ALLOW IT OR KNOW IT WAS FUCKING HAPPENING. i swear to god. and to be honest i dont even think cody ment something of it. he stood up for me the whole way home and jeremy was really nice to me because of it. but then right when we get home jeremy accused me of cheating on him with cody (mind you his girlfriend was right next to me in the tent as well) i told him over and over nothing happened. he tried to walk out but i pretty much begged him to stay which i know is so pussy of me :[ he was nice to me yesterday and then macraye called and asked me about going up to nine inch nails and his EXACT words pretty much were "go without me. go have a fun night with macraye!" but this morning i wake up with him in my room looking for his cd. i woke up and asked him to come here and give me a hug and he just leaned over and came me a little tap on the shoulder. i asked him what was wrong and he was like "NOTHING WHATS WRONG WITH YOU DID YOU GET ALL DRUNK LAST NIGHT IS THAT WHY YOU ARE ACTING ALL WEIRD" and so i was just like "wtfff" and he was like "WHATEVER" and i asked him why he was being so mean and he just yelled "IM NOTTTT"

i dont know what to do. i cant even really explain it here, he just keeps acting like me being his girlfriend is the biggest hassle in the world. and i feel like allllll i do is bother him and make him mad. and then when i do something for me, and have the most amazing night of my whole life, i couldnt even tell him about it because he'd problly accuse me of doing some sexual favor to get to hang out on the buss or something. all i know is that he would be unbelievably mad.

yesterday before nine inch nails jeremy and dylan left with these two REALLY hot chicks. jeremy was gonna hook a bunch of coke for him i guess. at like 9:30 michael called me and was like "you know jeremy is in a car with two hot chicks right?" and i said yessss and michael was all "yeah i just wanted to let you know cuz it didnt look right i guess" and it problly was just michael being jelouse of me and jeremy and looking for a window oppertunity to break us up.

but then when i called jeremy at 12, before we got into that buss, HE WAS IN HIS BASEMENT WITH THEM. dylan was there too i guess. but come on. jeremy can chill with two HOOOOT chicks in his basement but im not even allowed to have fun at a concert without cheating on him. and sean told me his break ended at two today so i dont know what hes doing right now. he just came buy to get his cd and he was driving some crazy red blazer. his phone has been busy for about a half hour, so im pretty much assuming he took it off the hook while hes at his house.

i know i problly should swollow my fucking pride and just let him go, because id be a lot better off. sometimes the reason im really scared to break up with him though is because i have no friends of my own anymore. i have like. 3 friends that are mine. plus i love him SOsososos much. he makes me SOOOO happy and everytime he hangs up on me or walks out the door on me, my heart breaks and it hurts me so bad. i cant imagine myself not being with him. and him telling me he doesnt want to be with me and that he cant stand it really hurts my self esteem. ive never been broken up with and ive never broken up with anyone. i figure being broken up with is the worst. its a total shot to the chest. i just want us to work things out and be ok. i dont understand what im doing soooo wrong to him.
02:56am 31/05/2006
  OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TONIGHT WAS ONE OF THE BEST NIGHTS OF MY LIFE. IT WAS LIKE A FUCKING MARY KATE AND ASHLEY MOVIE. im way to lazy to type it out so heres the conversation i had with cragun about it. i cant even explain to you how amazing tonight was. not even close.

Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:44 AM]: the nine inch nails concert was tonight, and me and macraye had no tickets and the show was sold out, but for some reason we were completely compelled to go
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:45 AM]: so we drove up there
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:46 AM]: and there was people selling tickets, but mostly 40 bucks for one ticket. but then this dude was like "you want tickets?" and we were like "we only have 16 dollars :[" and he was like "wellll...i have already sold 6 tickets so i guess i can sell you two tickets for 16 bucks. its yr lucky day!!!"
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:46 AM]: AND THEN
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:46 AM]: and on the way up to the entrance, this black dude was like "hi heres some VIP passes." and i figured they were fake but we asked the people working there and they were like "OH THATS THE AFTERPARTY"
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:47 AM]: so we watch the show which was AMAZING. then after the show we go to this "afterparty" which turns out to be nothing. nine inch nails wasnt even there. it was just a room with free pepsi and cake
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:47 AM]: BUT THEN
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:48 AM]: i went over to security and i was like "so are we even going to get to meet them or what" and the guy was all "i dont know" and i was all "how long do we have to wait in this room" and then this black dude was like "SHES WITH ME SHE CAN COME IN SHES WITH ME"
+17022388906 [2:48 AM]: Whattt?
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:48 AM]: and the security guy was like "no you cant do that shes not really with you" and he was like "uh yeah she is" and he was like "no" and the black dude was just like "YEAHHH" and took me and macraye back with him to this other room with SOOOOO much free alcohol
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:49 AM]: he was like "TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT ITS NOT MINE!" and then cragun...AND THEN
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:49 AM]: the fucking guitarist came up to me and macraye. and hes not hot at all but he was ALL UP IN OUR SHIT. for like 10 minutes though lol
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:49 AM]: he was like "will you kiss me on the cheek" and we did! and he was hanging out with us the entire time
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:49 AM]: like "drink more beer drink some more beer!"
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:50 AM]: and then i dunno what happened to him but we turned around and he was gone. so we were like "awwww" and left and walked outside
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:50 AM]: AND ON THE WAY OUT
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:50 AM]: we pass by their tour buss's and so we kinda stop and just stand there and this dude comes up and is like "HIIII WHAT GRADE ARE YOU GUYS IN!? LOL" and hes like 35 years old
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:50 AM]: welllll we started talking to this guy and he was hitting on us all hardcore. and so we were like "let us go on yr buss!!!!!"
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:50 AM]: AND HE DID
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:51 AM]: and so we were chillin on this buss in the back room with just three other people...and cragun this is where is absolutly is NOT a lie
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:51 AM]: we are smoking GOOD chronic with this dude out of a bong and the door opens and TRENT FUCKING REZNOR COMES MOBS IN
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:51 AM]: sits next to macraye and i and smoked a bowl
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:51 AM]: he didnt really talk to us or anything
+17022388906 [2:52 AM]: So your telling me you got drunk with NIN while i was shermin in the desert
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:53 AM]: YEAH PRETTY MUCH CRAGUN
Weeeeeeeeyaay [2:53 AM]: I CANT EVEN BELIEVE THAT THIS HAPPENED TO ME. and what is shermin?

if nine inch nails ever goes to yr guys town i hope you go. because they are really nice and into meeting new people and they might let you on their buss.
04:27pm 26/05/2006
  im really really frusterated right now. i tried to get my school records for my social security number, and i found out i cant get them without a photo i.d. and i cant get a photo i.d. without a social security number. fucking catch 22 right there. the one time in my life where im really motivated to do something, to have a job, get my GED, have a drivers license, all that shit, i fucking cant. the one time im trying to stop partying and settle down, i really have no reason too. all the other times when i had nothing stopping me, i chose to sit at home and do nothing. and now when i want to go out and do something, i am forced to sit at home. im damned if i do, and im damned if i dont. why SHOULDNT i have fun tonight? theres absolutly no reason for me not to other than the fact that its helping jeremy out. which is a pretty big reason i guess. i shouldnt be bitching at all. ARGGGGG i just want him to hurry up and get here already. its 4:34 AND HE USUALLY CALLS ME AT 4:30 THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. :] what to dooo what to dooooo.  
02:39pm 26/05/2006
  its friday...normally i love fridays but im not really looking forward to this one. this whole weekends going to be a test pretty much. i wanna get fucking drunnnk tonight, butttt i caaaanntttt :[ if i get past this whole weekend without drinking then ill be good. i know i can do it. ive already gone a week(accept for that one little time lol). ill just get hella blazed. dana and kurk and michael are all pitching on some shit again. i knoooww jeremy's gonna wanna do it with them, but hopefully he wont. im prizzaying! i have faith in him. just as long as i get him drunk and stay at his house allll tonight and alllll tomorrow, he'll be good. i miss him a lot today for some reason. i was sleeping on the couch and i woke up to him comming down the stairs which was a realllyy nice surprise cuz i was dreaming about him all night. he only got to stay for about 10 minutes though, cuz he just came to get a work shirt.

last night was the ice cube concert and it was sooooo tight! we smoked 8 fucking joints!!! he played "fuck the police" and it was something i never thought i would get to see. I GUESS IM JUST A STEP AHEAD OF YOU ALL NOW ARENT I?

im gonna go smoke some weed because thats what i do all day now that i dont have a job, or a license, or a mother fucking social security number. i HATE sitting around. god i hate it. i want another jooooob.

aight well peace out muh homies WEST SIIIIDE
12:47am 25/05/2006
  argggg. i just want time to speed up and pass time right now. i asked jeremy why we barely have sex anymore and he told me its because he has had no sex drive lately. everytime we do it it kinda makes me sad cuz i feel like im forcing him to do it. and he always has this look on his face like hes obviously interested in doing something else, and having sex with me is just a hassle. he seriously would rather watch tv now days. i told him the whole reason for that and the fact that hes been short tempered and annoyed lately, is because drugs are changing his personality. of course he got all mad and told me i was dumb but its the fucking truth! if he can get through this weekend without smoking dope than i believe he can go a long time. he asked me to get drunk with him tonight but if i go and get drunk then what reason does he have to not get spun? the only way i can hold it against him is by me not drinking. if i give up something i absolutly love for him, then he sure as hell better give up tweaking for me. i know i only have to give him about a couple weeks before his personality gets better and everything starts to get good again. but its sooooo hard for me to wait. especially since im getting really sexually frusterated. dude if you date me, you know im a fucking nympho hardcore. I LIKE TO HAVE SEX. but i dont go out and have one night stands and shit. im actually way not into that. but when im commited to you, im horny for you every 30 seconds. i gotta get laid. and yeah we've had our sex lately, but not how we used to! its just been in and out lately. you always learn about how drugs affect your personality, and in a lot of people, mostly girls, you cant really see a change. but whith jeremy however, i can see a complete signifigant change. the same happened to my brother. thats how i know so much about whats going on with him i guess. i would rather he went back to his loud alcoholic stage then kept going with this tweaker stage. it just wastes soooo much money, and he needs to seriously save as it is. i have faith in him this far. he knows that if he keeps doing it so much, i wont stay with him. because ive told him. so i pray to god he can just not do it for at least a month.

THIS IS OUR SECRETE BUT...i have some whiskey hidden from jeremy and uhhh...now that hes not here im gonna drink it! its not a lot at all. enough to get me to bed. he never said i couldnt drink when i was by myself! heh heh heh. i feel like a hypoctite but i cant just let that whiskey sit there. its already sat for a week. ok so sue me for getting drunk when i told him i wouldnt. dude my drinking problem is a lot less of a problem than his dope habit.

other than that, tomorrow is the ice cube concert. i dont really wanna go cuz its gonna be all gang members and i OBVIOUSLY dont fit in no matter what.

I DIED MY HAIR PURPLE AGAIN. dont EVER EVER let yr boyfriend dye yr hair for you. jeremy pretty much died my whole face purple along with my hair. he did a good job though, i have to give it to him. it looks awsome.
06:47pm 20/05/2006
  rooooofl i got all drunk off some whiskey last night and stole my dads car to go get jeremy at codys. i was backing up and i think i didnt look behind me and i fucking PLOWED alexis garage door. cody and jeremy were so nice to me! they had to like rebuild that shit at 6 in the morning before alexis woke up, luckily they were all spun lol. they had to mix two kinds of paints together to get the color of the garage door and everything looks completely perfect accept for a few dents, which arent that noticable. i feel SOO horrible not telling alexis what i did, but i cant! cody and jeremy told me to never talk about it again. my dads car is kind of dented, but i doubt hes gonna notice cuz he doesnt pay much attention to that car. i promised jeremy i wouldnt drink for a while if he doesnt get spun for a while. he broke his pipe in the street for me. i love him so muchhhh. hopefully he will get drunk tonight so i can get laid. boys are the best at having sex with they are drunk.  
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12:41pm 17/05/2006
  GOD IM FUCKING PISSED OFF. jeremy all calls me from work to complain about his whiney little day where he just couldnt stop dropping things and lisa was just being so dumb! oh my god someone go help him!!! jesus fucking christ ok. im not even mad at him right now, but he wont let me say any of this shit without hanging up, walking away, telling me im an idiot, or telling me that i ask too much from him.

everytime i try and vent about someone or something that has NOTHING AT ALL to do about him he cries and asks why im being so mean to him. its just normal pissy venting too, like "GOD DAMN MICHAEL HE SAID HE WAS WITH HIM MOM BUT I DO NOT SEE HIS CAR AT HIS HOUSE HE FUCKING LIED." and then he gets all pissed and im like "I WASNT EVEN TALKING ABOUT YOU" and hes all "WHY ARE YOU YELLING WHY ARE YOU MAKING A BIG DEAL" and the whole fucking reason i make a big deal is because twice a day when i wanna do is get a little venting out about some crappy thing he fucking starts making fun of me and telling me how i look crazy and allllll this shit. so i fucking tried to tell him, everytime i yell about something that has nothing to do with you, you turn it around and make it into this huge deal about how im yelling at you and being mean to you when all i fucking wanna do IS SAY HOW I FEEL. i sat there for 15 minutes yesterday as he yelled about some bullshit at the grocery store and how he wanted to punch this bitch and then afterwards for like 30 minutes he wouldnt even look at me as if everything was my fault. and allllllll i did was tell him jokes and huggles him and try to make him happy. but when im in a bad mood OH NO JEREMY IS BEING ABUSED BY PAIGEEEE TIME TO FOCUS EVERYTHING ON HIIIIIMMMM.

the other day we got into a huuuuge fight and basically i tried to tell him what i just said up there and he said "NO YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN TO ME" so i sat there for 30 minutes and listened to all the wronfull things i have done to him. all i wanna do is tell him "hey dont do this (whatever it may be at the time) because its not fair to me and it pisses me off." but then it all has to turn into him standing over me yelling at me for making a big deal out of things. he tells me that i cant excpect him to change everything but why does he excpect me to change everything? he also tells me that i base everything around myself which is the polar opposite. every night i hang out with HIS friends. and if i invite one of my friends over (which he hates all of them accept for you bri, and also molly) he gets all pissed and starts talking shit about them. and im like "wellllllll. get over it because they are my friends and i hang out with yr friends even though i dont like some of them." and hes like "GET OVER IT? YOUR TELLING ME TO GET OVER IT? *leaves*" he says i make a big deal WHEN REALLY HE IS THE ONE THAT MAKES A BIG DEAL. let me complain about my shit, stand there, listen like i do to him, and then its over. i am SICK of how everytime i try and bring something up to him he cant be like "ok" he has to find some way to justify his actions and he has to find some way where i have wronged him, and then he tells me hes not gonna play the get back game with me and listen to what his problems are. whenever we fight i cant win because hes just so fucking close minded.

oh and on the other hand i got fired from my job because of the TINY pot leafs on my myspace, and i have to get a root cannal tomorrow! yaaaaayyyyy paige is having a bad say so now is yr perfect oppertunity to bean mean!

wdit: p.s. i just fucking broke my phone cuz i threw it at the wall and uhhhm yep. now it wont turn on so if you wanna call me then id suggest just not bothering all together.
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12:14pm 16/05/2006
  I GOT OFF PROBATION TODAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY fucking finally. now almost all of the bullshit in my life is taken care of. all i need to do is get my social security number and my fucking license.

oh dude i fell down the stairs yesterday and landed pretty much directly on my face and now i got a pretty nice black eye and a huge scab from wood floor burn. i looked like a flopping fish falling down that shit, my limbs were wailing all over the place haha
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12:43am 15/05/2006
  well ummmm...i pretty much had the best sex of my life tonight. i cant even explain it to you. me and jeremy were all giggly and speachless afterwards. it was amazing. i felt like sharing that to you all, and since you took it upon yourselves to add me as a friend, you get the responsability of reading my inner most deepest thoughts.  
11:29pm 11/05/2006
  eghhh i only took like 4 or 5 shots and i feel like im gonna puke. that is hella rare for me. i never feel pukey till the next day. im soooooo fucking tired. i dunno why. i got incredibly stoned today. jeremy rented the brothers grimm and i was really excited to see it, but after taking those 4 shots halfway through the beginning, i got SOOOO tired i couldnt keep my eyes opened. i ended up falling asleep between jeremys legs on the couch with my face on his penis. he obviously didnt seem to mind lol. it was a good nap but im rully tired still. i wish i could drink more but i dont feel like it. i dont feel like smoking any more weed either. maybe i will just watch invader zim until i fall asleep. yesss. that sounds nice.  
12:45pm 11/05/2006
  dude me and jeremy were talking to roaches girlfriend about zach and we were telling her about how he was a fag and all this shit. and how jeremy left his pipe in zachs car and zach obviously stole it but he wouldnt give it back cuz jeremy was being a dick to him and shit and he said "it wasnt in his car". we explained to her what it looked like, cuz i mean dude this was the coolest pipe in the whole fucking world. it was like 8 inches long and at least an inch thick. and for jeremy thats hella good cuz he breaks all his pipes. but this pipe was blown on green glass and it had fucking scales on it. like fish scales. it looked like the lockness monster. it was SOOOOO cool. anyway roaches girlfriend was all "i smoked out of that pipe once!!!" and we were like "WHUUUUTTTT" so jeremy fucking called zach on the phone and was like "wassup dude look you were a good friend and we should just be at peace now hommie. no more drama" and zach was all "OK I THINK YR RIGHT" and so they made plans to hang out tomorrow after jeremy gets off work and jeremys gonna get in zachs car and ask for his pipe back and if zach says no again jeremys gonna beat the FUCK out of zach. god i hope he doesnt give the pipe back because you just dont understand. zach is the most idiotic STUPID fucking little wigger and he thinks he is sooooooo hard that he finally needs an ass beating. we took him to this party on colfax once, rudys birthday party. and it was like mostly bloods there and the whole party was cornering zach and trying to beat him up just cuz he was gay, so he had to leave and drive home hahaaa.

im fucking boreddddd.

oh and guess what. just when things were getting better for him, JEREMY GOT ANOTHER FUCKING WARRENT. he was supposed to go with me to court on the 4th for that drinking ticket cuz we both got it together at the same time. but he told me he had to go on the 30th. accept when i got to court the DA asked if he was there and so i was like "hmmm fishy" and i made him look at the ticket, and turns out he missed court. AGAIN. i cannot express to you how fucking mad this makes me. if he goes to jail its gonna be about 400 bucks to get him out. I DONT HAVE THAT MUCH MONEY AND NEITHER DOES HE. if he doesnt go to jail, he can get a security letter from a bondsman, when he gets enough money to pay off his warrents, go into the courthouse, pay his fines and bond there (if he has a security note from a bonbsman) and then everything will be clean again. accept for he is going to have to take a 24 week alcohol class, which is one class a week two hours a day for 24 weeks. and hes problly gonna have some probation cuz of his other warrent. GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT. he is so fucking irisponsible it makes ME wanna cry. him working at a daycare isnt gonna cut it anymore. hes either gonna have to get a second job or a differen full time job. we went the other day and got some applications for best buy and american furniture warehouse and shit, so im forcing him to go turn those in today. he owes our boss robin about 250 bucks cuz he took out a payday loan to pay one of his tickets, which im glad we got done otherwise he would have had 3 warrents. hes seriously in a hole and his problem is that hes so basically wrapped up in me and drugs that he cant get out. he doesnt want a second job cuz he'll never get to see me. and he cant keep a paycheck because once he gets one sean and all them are like "YAY DRUGS BUY DRUGS WITH IT!" so hes all "ok im only gonna pitch 60$ but then something happens and by the end of the weekend its all gone. i think this time he might make it though. last weekend we got 4 grams and got spraked out of our minds so i think he got it out of his system. cuz for a long ass time we just kept getting shitty shit and having a shitty time, so i think thats what made him keep going back and buying more. but this time it was above good. all he needs is one month. if he can work and get the money in a month then hell be cool. i hope his probation doesnt give him u.a.s i bet they will. the only reason i dont get them is cuz im a cute little girl with a nice smile. I DONT DO DRUGS. him on the other hand. its obvious hes a little druggie. oh well. maybe he will be more productive or something. i just dont know what to do with him.